"Baby Steps"

Some of you may recall the line in the movie, "What About Bob" The movie about a man who sufferes from a billion different phobias, and is referred to a counselor who wrote a book called "Baby Steps". Of course this is not a true story and is a comedy movie (for those who have not seen it)

Allison reminds me of this as she strives to overcome her fear of heights among other things. Stairs have been very hard for Allion. She is selective to the set of stairs she is afraid of. Sometimes it's the texture, the situation, a memory, or just because. It rarely has much to do with the height anymore.

She was finally getting more confident about going up stairs, and even with stairs that she was wary of. But the set of stairs that have always been hard for her were the stairs that led up to one of our friends, the Stevens, apartment. She had begun to go up their staircase by herself many times. Then one day she slipped. These stairs are hard concrete stairs. She fell down tumbling and turning and I reached for her but didn't get to her in time. She almost finished the fall off with a hard thunk on the head on the concrete ground, but somehow I pulled her arm in reaching out for her, just enough to twist her slightly so that her head was unharmed. Despite this, Alli continued to talk about nothing else, and how scary it was. Her little body shook with fear at the site of the stair case.

I realized this was very sensitive and did not push her to try to go up the stairs on her own. She wouldn't even hold my hand. She insisted that I carry her. I am sure I failed her trust. I would often give her the chance to try it out, with the promise that I would hold onto her hand, but nothing would convince her that she would be ok.

Today we went over there and when we were at the bottom of the stairs, I could see that her usual immidiate leaching onto me did not happen. So I knelt next to her. I said,
"Allison, today is a very special Day"
Allison smiled
"Today is the day that you can show mommy and yourself how Brave you are. I will hold your hand and you can walk up the stairs, do you think you can do that? I know it is hard, but I think you can do it!"
She said, "You hold my Hand and I go up up up the stairs?"
"Yep"
"I gonna fall down and get a scratch and it hurt weawy weawly bad?"
'I promise that you won't get a scratch, I will be right beside you. You won't fall. I'll have you"
"Mommy gonna keep me safe, no scratcheS?"
"Yep."

She boldly took her first step, then started to cry saying that she wanted me to kiss her scratches better. So I knelt down to kiss her knee and she wouldn't let go of my hand, but the situation required me to move the hand she was holding or I wouldn't be able to hold onto her and kiss her knee, and I knew how important it was for her that I was hold her hand tight. So i freed my hand and she grabbed for my hair of course. She calmed down, and returned her hand in mine, along with a chunk of hair. She had calmed down and said, "I'm brave, and Mommy keep me safe?"
"yep, I have you."

She proceded to go up the stairs at a safe pace. I was so proud of her, she was very brave. I know that there are somethings in life that seem impossible to do and some things it seems everyone else can do but yourself. Alli has been working on stairs for a while and this was a big "baby step" for her.
When she finished she proclaimed proudly, "I Can Do Hard Things Mommy!!"